I am about 99% sure I am going to commit to something today. I haven’t decided for sure yet. I don’t even know why it’s such a big deal; it’s not like it would change much in my life. What is it that I am afraid of? This commitment would change how I view the world and relationships which, I suppose, could be a little scary. I suppose this commitment could also delay a dating relationship should one happen to come up in the next little while. Then again, one hasn’t come up in the last many, many, many ‘whiles’ so what’s the big deal? Why not just get out of the boat and trust? Here’s the commitment I am thinking of making and if I do it, I really wanted to start today so I can end on Oct. 1st – the feast of St. Theresa of Lisieux. I am thinking of not dating for 6 months.
I have heard of of people ‘giving up dating’ but when I thought about it for myself I would think, “Ok, how the heck can that work? I haven’t dated in like 10 years what’s the point of not dating by choice? What’s that going to change in my life? For some people I suppose if you have been on lots of dates then maybe but for me? I don’t get it.” So, I never did it.
Often these stories of people choosing not to date for a year were followed by, “And I met Mr. Right in the 6th month so we just grew in friendship and now we are married.” I admit that was intriguing, maybe if I made this commitment to not dating for a year that would happen to me too! Perfect!
No, not perfect. With my record that wasn’t going to work in helping me find a husband and really that would be the only reason for not dating. I would not date in hopes that my story would be like theirs, “And then in the 6th month I met Mr. Right and now we are married.” I didn’t see a reason to pull off a ‘no dating for x time’ stint for any other reason than to find my Mr. Right. If I could ‘quit’ looking for someone, Mr. Right would come along. Right? Isn't that what the whole world tell me? "Stop looking and he'll come along Joce, just stop looking for someone." Yeah cause that's easy!
I think the idea of not dating in the hope of Mr. Right coming along during that time is really wrong. It really isn’t the point. It was only recently that I finally figured out what the point of it is. The point is to grow in a deeper relationship with Christ.
If I decided to not date for 6 months and during that time change my dating mentality and focus on what life is about – becoming a saint and loving Christ, then I would be on a good path. If I am not dating simply in hopes that a man might come my way and I change nothing at all then that is just a waste of time. Life is about moving forward towards living a holier life.
I decided to seriously look at this idea of not dating for 6 months about a week ago. I was praying about it and knew I could not do it simply for the sake of doing it. It needed to be more. I picked up a book I have called Purity. The point of the book is to have a pure heart – not only purity in a physical sense which is how it is often looked at but to have a pure heart, mind, body and soul. Basically love God fully and whole heartedly first and foremost. That is what I need to focus on - a pure heart.
Life isn’t about getting married although most of my life I have had that goal – ok all of my life. I’ve always wanted to get married. My biggest fear in high school was not finding someone to love me enough to get married. I am now 31 and single – I guess my fear came true (so far anyway). I have come A LONG way since high school and I see things very differently but being married still preoccupies a lot of my mind. That needs to change.
I need to a) Trust I am right where I need to be, b) Trust God with my life, c) live life to become a saint and not just to become married. Married won’t get me to heaven but becoming a saint will so that is what I need to strive for. How does taking six months off dating help me become a saint? Does that mean dating is wrong? No! That is not what I am saying at all. All I am saying is I need to change my focus. Marriage and the hope of marriage consumes too much of my time.
I want to take the next 6 months to work towards a better relationship with God. I want to read that book on the purity of heart and another book titled The Imitation Of Mary. Who else better than Mary, the mother of Jesus, to show me how to love Christ/God whole heartedly? I think following her lead can only bring me in the right direction.
Now that I have written a page and a half I think I have decided to commit. This is my commitment to God and to you that for the next 6 months I am going to focus on changing my way of thinking. I am going to focus on loving Christ first, giving my ‘Yes’ and seeing where He leads me – trust.
Do I hope some strapping young man will come around in the next 6 months? Sure, but that’s not new, I hoped that last month too. I still hope to marry one day. I am not giving up on that dream. I am simply choosing to focus on what is most important – my relationship with God. That won’t change, married or not my relationship with God will always remain most important so I should be working on it daily – dating, married or single.
