It's been over 2 months since I took my pledge to not date for 6 months. Time goes by so quickly! It's been up and down the last two months. Sometimes I am content and peaceful about being single and living my life and other times I'm disappointed and sad that I am still alone.
Yesterday was one of those rougher days. I was feeling the pinch of being single and looking around my world and seeing everyone coupled up but me. I know it's not true but when things aren't going like we want them to we often tend to see what others have that we don't have.
I went to a friends ordination to the priesthood a week or so ago and it was BEAUITFUL! You know when you go to a friend's wedding and they are marrying the person you know they should marry and you are over the top excited for them - yeah that's how I felt about this too. It's beautiful to watch someone take vows to live the vocation you know they are called to live. I went to his first mass too - again, so lovely and fulfilling in exactly the way it should be. I can't imagine what it must have been like for him!
Then this weekend I went to a wedding. I watched the couple marry and I too long for marriage. I saw everyone coupled up around me and it made my heart cry. The next day I went to a baptism. I wached my friends walk in with their children and again I longed to have what they have. I instead was sitting alone in my pew waiting for the mass to start. I was also watching another friend of mine who will be ordained a deacon this summer and a priest next summer prepare to serve at mass. Again, I know he is doing exactly what God has called him to do. The sadness in my heart was questioning why oh why isn't God letting me live my vocation too?? Why do I still have to sit and wait before I can live out what I truly believe I am called to live - marriage and family???
Some people will argue that I am living my vocation and in this moment it is to live a single life. I do know I am called to live a good and holy single life but please don't tell me it's a vocation. Okay, okay, the only true vocation is to love I know that but... .... .... but... maybe there is nothing else to say... maybe I do just need to love as much as I can as a single person. I don't want to negate my calling to marriage. I don't want to say that longing for the vocation of marriage is wrong but I do need to remember I am called to love not only my neighbour but most imporantly God.
I suppose that's the stuggle. The stuggle is to know deep down I am called to be married but in this process of waiting I still need to find fulfilment in Christ and His love. I need to allow Him to love through me. Man, why do I keep failing at that? Ok, something to work on.
I told a friend the other day how I don't feel like I fit in my world any longer. I've handle single live pretty well. I am 31, single, own a condo, traveled a lot and have a lot of wonderful firends and family. I haven't been alone in a house the last 15 years wondering why no one has knocked on my door, but yesterday as I wachted my friends with their family and my friend who's preparing to be ordained I realized I am uncomfortable in my single role because it no longer fits my life. I am not meant to be in this state of life anymore. My calling is marriage and it is time I make extra effort to make that happen.... but that's a whole other blog entry.
Jocelyn
Monday, June 13, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
To date or not to date? That is the question.
I am about 99% sure I am going to commit to something today. I haven’t decided for sure yet. I don’t even know why it’s such a big deal; it’s not like it would change much in my life. What is it that I am afraid of? This commitment would change how I view the world and relationships which, I suppose, could be a little scary. I suppose this commitment could also delay a dating relationship should one happen to come up in the next little while. Then again, one hasn’t come up in the last many, many, many ‘whiles’ so what’s the big deal? Why not just get out of the boat and trust? Here’s the commitment I am thinking of making and if I do it, I really wanted to start today so I can end on Oct. 1st – the feast of St. Theresa of Lisieux. I am thinking of not dating for 6 months.
I have heard of of people ‘giving up dating’ but when I thought about it for myself I would think, “Ok, how the heck can that work? I haven’t dated in like 10 years what’s the point of not dating by choice? What’s that going to change in my life? For some people I suppose if you have been on lots of dates then maybe but for me? I don’t get it.” So, I never did it.
Often these stories of people choosing not to date for a year were followed by, “And I met Mr. Right in the 6th month so we just grew in friendship and now we are married.” I admit that was intriguing, maybe if I made this commitment to not dating for a year that would happen to me too! Perfect!
No, not perfect. With my record that wasn’t going to work in helping me find a husband and really that would be the only reason for not dating. I would not date in hopes that my story would be like theirs, “And then in the 6th month I met Mr. Right and now we are married.” I didn’t see a reason to pull off a ‘no dating for x time’ stint for any other reason than to find my Mr. Right. If I could ‘quit’ looking for someone, Mr. Right would come along. Right? Isn't that what the whole world tell me? "Stop looking and he'll come along Joce, just stop looking for someone." Yeah cause that's easy!
I think the idea of not dating in the hope of Mr. Right coming along during that time is really wrong. It really isn’t the point. It was only recently that I finally figured out what the point of it is. The point is to grow in a deeper relationship with Christ.
If I decided to not date for 6 months and during that time change my dating mentality and focus on what life is about – becoming a saint and loving Christ, then I would be on a good path. If I am not dating simply in hopes that a man might come my way and I change nothing at all then that is just a waste of time. Life is about moving forward towards living a holier life.
I decided to seriously look at this idea of not dating for 6 months about a week ago. I was praying about it and knew I could not do it simply for the sake of doing it. It needed to be more. I picked up a book I have called Purity. The point of the book is to have a pure heart – not only purity in a physical sense which is how it is often looked at but to have a pure heart, mind, body and soul. Basically love God fully and whole heartedly first and foremost. That is what I need to focus on - a pure heart.
Life isn’t about getting married although most of my life I have had that goal – ok all of my life. I’ve always wanted to get married. My biggest fear in high school was not finding someone to love me enough to get married. I am now 31 and single – I guess my fear came true (so far anyway). I have come A LONG way since high school and I see things very differently but being married still preoccupies a lot of my mind. That needs to change.
I need to a) Trust I am right where I need to be, b) Trust God with my life, c) live life to become a saint and not just to become married. Married won’t get me to heaven but becoming a saint will so that is what I need to strive for. How does taking six months off dating help me become a saint? Does that mean dating is wrong? No! That is not what I am saying at all. All I am saying is I need to change my focus. Marriage and the hope of marriage consumes too much of my time.
I want to take the next 6 months to work towards a better relationship with God. I want to read that book on the purity of heart and another book titled The Imitation Of Mary. Who else better than Mary, the mother of Jesus, to show me how to love Christ/God whole heartedly? I think following her lead can only bring me in the right direction.
Now that I have written a page and a half I think I have decided to commit. This is my commitment to God and to you that for the next 6 months I am going to focus on changing my way of thinking. I am going to focus on loving Christ first, giving my ‘Yes’ and seeing where He leads me – trust.
Do I hope some strapping young man will come around in the next 6 months? Sure, but that’s not new, I hoped that last month too. I still hope to marry one day. I am not giving up on that dream. I am simply choosing to focus on what is most important – my relationship with God. That won’t change, married or not my relationship with God will always remain most important so I should be working on it daily – dating, married or single.
I have heard of of people ‘giving up dating’ but when I thought about it for myself I would think, “Ok, how the heck can that work? I haven’t dated in like 10 years what’s the point of not dating by choice? What’s that going to change in my life? For some people I suppose if you have been on lots of dates then maybe but for me? I don’t get it.” So, I never did it.
Often these stories of people choosing not to date for a year were followed by, “And I met Mr. Right in the 6th month so we just grew in friendship and now we are married.” I admit that was intriguing, maybe if I made this commitment to not dating for a year that would happen to me too! Perfect!
No, not perfect. With my record that wasn’t going to work in helping me find a husband and really that would be the only reason for not dating. I would not date in hopes that my story would be like theirs, “And then in the 6th month I met Mr. Right and now we are married.” I didn’t see a reason to pull off a ‘no dating for x time’ stint for any other reason than to find my Mr. Right. If I could ‘quit’ looking for someone, Mr. Right would come along. Right? Isn't that what the whole world tell me? "Stop looking and he'll come along Joce, just stop looking for someone." Yeah cause that's easy!
I think the idea of not dating in the hope of Mr. Right coming along during that time is really wrong. It really isn’t the point. It was only recently that I finally figured out what the point of it is. The point is to grow in a deeper relationship with Christ.
If I decided to not date for 6 months and during that time change my dating mentality and focus on what life is about – becoming a saint and loving Christ, then I would be on a good path. If I am not dating simply in hopes that a man might come my way and I change nothing at all then that is just a waste of time. Life is about moving forward towards living a holier life.
I decided to seriously look at this idea of not dating for 6 months about a week ago. I was praying about it and knew I could not do it simply for the sake of doing it. It needed to be more. I picked up a book I have called Purity. The point of the book is to have a pure heart – not only purity in a physical sense which is how it is often looked at but to have a pure heart, mind, body and soul. Basically love God fully and whole heartedly first and foremost. That is what I need to focus on - a pure heart.
Life isn’t about getting married although most of my life I have had that goal – ok all of my life. I’ve always wanted to get married. My biggest fear in high school was not finding someone to love me enough to get married. I am now 31 and single – I guess my fear came true (so far anyway). I have come A LONG way since high school and I see things very differently but being married still preoccupies a lot of my mind. That needs to change.
I need to a) Trust I am right where I need to be, b) Trust God with my life, c) live life to become a saint and not just to become married. Married won’t get me to heaven but becoming a saint will so that is what I need to strive for. How does taking six months off dating help me become a saint? Does that mean dating is wrong? No! That is not what I am saying at all. All I am saying is I need to change my focus. Marriage and the hope of marriage consumes too much of my time.
I want to take the next 6 months to work towards a better relationship with God. I want to read that book on the purity of heart and another book titled The Imitation Of Mary. Who else better than Mary, the mother of Jesus, to show me how to love Christ/God whole heartedly? I think following her lead can only bring me in the right direction.
Now that I have written a page and a half I think I have decided to commit. This is my commitment to God and to you that for the next 6 months I am going to focus on changing my way of thinking. I am going to focus on loving Christ first, giving my ‘Yes’ and seeing where He leads me – trust.
Do I hope some strapping young man will come around in the next 6 months? Sure, but that’s not new, I hoped that last month too. I still hope to marry one day. I am not giving up on that dream. I am simply choosing to focus on what is most important – my relationship with God. That won’t change, married or not my relationship with God will always remain most important so I should be working on it daily – dating, married or single.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Tip For Women Traveling Solo
Hey check out what I found! A link to Hostelworld.com's best 10 Hostels for women!! That's awesome!
I do a decent amount of solo travel and one of the concerns is always where I will stay. It needs to be budget and I don't mind hostels. Sometimes hostels offer single sex rooms but often they are mixed. Usually I don't mind too much, people are great and the men have always been nice. I've met some great people both men and women at hostels. However, once I walked in to my room and realized all the other people in the room were men and I was the only woman. It was fine but I was a bit uncomfortable with it. That only happened once. Another time I was at a hostel and the person at the front desk said, "I'll put you in the other room. I don't think anyone else will come but the other room that still has a bed is all men. I think you'd be more comfortable in the other one." Wasn't that nice of him??? Anyway, this link today features hostels that are only for women. There are no men that stay there. So there is no risk of sharing a room with only men. I just figured I would share it with my traveling friends.
http://blog.hostelbookers.com/hostel-reviews/top-hostels/womens-day/
I found this link of the http://www.journeywoman.com site. It's an AWESOME site for women who travel with friends or solo. Check it out too.
That's it for now. Have a wonderful day.
I do a decent amount of solo travel and one of the concerns is always where I will stay. It needs to be budget and I don't mind hostels. Sometimes hostels offer single sex rooms but often they are mixed. Usually I don't mind too much, people are great and the men have always been nice. I've met some great people both men and women at hostels. However, once I walked in to my room and realized all the other people in the room were men and I was the only woman. It was fine but I was a bit uncomfortable with it. That only happened once. Another time I was at a hostel and the person at the front desk said, "I'll put you in the other room. I don't think anyone else will come but the other room that still has a bed is all men. I think you'd be more comfortable in the other one." Wasn't that nice of him??? Anyway, this link today features hostels that are only for women. There are no men that stay there. So there is no risk of sharing a room with only men. I just figured I would share it with my traveling friends.
http://blog.hostelbookers.com/hostel-reviews/top-hostels/womens-day/
I found this link of the http://www.journeywoman.com site. It's an AWESOME site for women who travel with friends or solo. Check it out too.
That's it for now. Have a wonderful day.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
I was lying in bed this morning thinking I should get up when I thought to myself, "That's what I need. I need to let God enter my heart and heal me." Now this doesn't seem super profound when I look back but in my daze of the morning it seemed to answer a lot of questions for me.
I've been having a rough time this last little while. Blah and tired has been the best way for me to describe how I am feeling but in a dark haze or a heavy feeling could be another description. Over the last few weeks I've been realizing how important it is to be honest with God about my failings and the fears that I have. I tend to focus a bit more on the fears because I don't like to admit that I fail - often. However, I've been working on going to God "naked without shame". I can't be afraid to tell Him everything, all the longings of my heart, the dreams, the fears and yes, even the failings that I have. I need to be open and honest with Him. In recent days I have realized how freeing that is. I've also been learning I need to make sure I have intimate relationships with my friends too. I need to have a select few people in my life who I do share some of those dreams, fears and faults with too. By not being authentic with others I have learned the hard way it can be very exhausting and tough on the mental health and spirit.
I don't think the whole world needs to know about every single failing we have or fear or dream for that matter. But I do think it's important to know it is ok to share those with someone. I always figured that would be a spouse but I'm 31 and still single. So does that mean I can't share with anyone? I don't think so. I think it means I have to look for trusted friends to share with and maybe have a few because one might be busy when I need them so I might need more than one person I can go to. It is a process to realize who these people in my life can be but it will all fall in to place.
The other thing I need is to trust God to fill my heart with love. He can do it. He can also heal the woundedness I have. I realized this morning how wounded I am. I have no idea why this morning I realized that, but I did. I realized I need to be in His presence and allow Him to fill me with His love.
When I read my e-mail this morning I discovered this quote: "
I've been having a rough time this last little while. Blah and tired has been the best way for me to describe how I am feeling but in a dark haze or a heavy feeling could be another description. Over the last few weeks I've been realizing how important it is to be honest with God about my failings and the fears that I have. I tend to focus a bit more on the fears because I don't like to admit that I fail - often. However, I've been working on going to God "naked without shame". I can't be afraid to tell Him everything, all the longings of my heart, the dreams, the fears and yes, even the failings that I have. I need to be open and honest with Him. In recent days I have realized how freeing that is. I've also been learning I need to make sure I have intimate relationships with my friends too. I need to have a select few people in my life who I do share some of those dreams, fears and faults with too. By not being authentic with others I have learned the hard way it can be very exhausting and tough on the mental health and spirit.
I don't think the whole world needs to know about every single failing we have or fear or dream for that matter. But I do think it's important to know it is ok to share those with someone. I always figured that would be a spouse but I'm 31 and still single. So does that mean I can't share with anyone? I don't think so. I think it means I have to look for trusted friends to share with and maybe have a few because one might be busy when I need them so I might need more than one person I can go to. It is a process to realize who these people in my life can be but it will all fall in to place.
The other thing I need is to trust God to fill my heart with love. He can do it. He can also heal the woundedness I have. I realized this morning how wounded I am. I have no idea why this morning I realized that, but I did. I realized I need to be in His presence and allow Him to fill me with His love.
When I read my e-mail this morning I discovered this quote: "
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Today is a New Day
Today I woke up feeling tired and blah. I am not sure there is another way to describe it, I just felt blah. On my way to work I promised myself I would go for a walk today. It was warmer outside today than it was yesterday and even if there was snow on the ground I decided I could handle it. In fact I decided I needed to handle it. I needed something to make me feel better and I hoped a walk would do it. I told to myself even a 10min walk would be ok, I just needed to get out there. So for lunch I had some soup and then off I went to walk to the coffee shop. I don't drink coffee but I needed a destination. It is much easier to walk to a destination when in reality you have no motivation to walk except for the reason of you know your body needs to move. I walked for about 5min and all of a sudden I caught myself smiling - YES smiling! I chuckled, I guess moving does do the body and mind some good.
On my walk back from the coffee shop I decided to start this blog today. I've been thinking about it for a while but I had not taken the time to do it yet. I needed to come up with a name and how was I going to do it. What was I going to write about? Who would want to read? There were a lot of questions but today I decided all those things would fall in to place.
A while back I wanted to start writing a book. I wanted to share my journey of being a single person in life and in the Catholic church. I also wanted to share what I have learned about Theology of the Body by Pope John Paul II and the single life and how it fits in to seeing my own inner and outer beauty - and yours too! (We are all so beautiful! But that's another blog posting) I wanted to share and help others with the lessons I have learned over the years. The thing is, I had no idea where to start writing a book and I wasn't even sure I had enough material to write a whole book. From what I hear a book takes a lot of pages! So, I have decided I will practice right here on the internet. I will simply write blogs and articles to share my journey in hopes God can use my stories to help others.
Thank you for joining me on this journey. I hope to hear a lot from you as I post my thoughts and processes. Here is a quote from a song that I love by David Thies, "I can't say it's going as planned, but still one beautiful journey." And that my friend is more than true! I may have woken up tired and blah this morning but tonight I look at the snow outside and love how bright it is. I look forward to meeting you along the path.
God Bless.
Check out David's site at davidthiestmusic.com
On my walk back from the coffee shop I decided to start this blog today. I've been thinking about it for a while but I had not taken the time to do it yet. I needed to come up with a name and how was I going to do it. What was I going to write about? Who would want to read? There were a lot of questions but today I decided all those things would fall in to place.
A while back I wanted to start writing a book. I wanted to share my journey of being a single person in life and in the Catholic church. I also wanted to share what I have learned about Theology of the Body by Pope John Paul II and the single life and how it fits in to seeing my own inner and outer beauty - and yours too! (We are all so beautiful! But that's another blog posting) I wanted to share and help others with the lessons I have learned over the years. The thing is, I had no idea where to start writing a book and I wasn't even sure I had enough material to write a whole book. From what I hear a book takes a lot of pages! So, I have decided I will practice right here on the internet. I will simply write blogs and articles to share my journey in hopes God can use my stories to help others.
Thank you for joining me on this journey. I hope to hear a lot from you as I post my thoughts and processes. Here is a quote from a song that I love by David Thies, "I can't say it's going as planned, but still one beautiful journey." And that my friend is more than true! I may have woken up tired and blah this morning but tonight I look at the snow outside and love how bright it is. I look forward to meeting you along the path.
God Bless.
Check out David's site at davidthiestmusic.com
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