I was lying in bed this morning thinking I should get up when I thought to myself, "That's what I need. I need to let God enter my heart and heal me." Now this doesn't seem super profound when I look back but in my daze of the morning it seemed to answer a lot of questions for me.

I've been having a rough time this last little while. Blah and tired has been the best way for me to describe how I am feeling but in a dark haze or a heavy feeling could be another description. Over the last few weeks I've been realizing how important it is to be honest with God about my failings and the fears that I have. I tend to focus a bit more on the fears because I don't like to admit that I fail - often. However, I've been working on going to God "naked without shame". I can't be afraid to tell Him everything, all the longings of my heart, the dreams, the fears and yes, even the failings that I have. I need to be open and honest with Him. In recent days I have realized how freeing that is. I've also been learning I need to make sure I have intimate relationships with my friends too. I need to have a select few people in my life who I do share some of those dreams, fears and faults with too. By not being authentic with others I have learned the hard way it can be very exhausting and tough on the mental health and spirit.

 I don't think the whole world needs to know about every single failing we have or fear or dream for that matter. But I do think it's important to know it is ok to share those with someone. I always figured that would be a spouse but I'm 31 and still single. So does that mean I can't share with anyone? I don't think so. I think it means I have to look for trusted friends to share with and maybe have a few because one might be busy when I need them so I might need more than one person I can go to. It is a process to realize who these people in my life can be but it will all fall in to place.

The other thing I need is to trust God to fill my heart with love. He can do it. He can also heal the woundedness I have. I realized this morning how wounded I am. I have no idea why this morning I realized that, but I did. I realized I need to be in His presence and allow Him to fill me with His love.

When I read my e-mail this morning I discovered this quote: "By his grace God can expand the capacity of my heart to let it contain the ocean of his love." - Emmanuel D'Alzon French founder of the Assumptionists, 19th century

It spoke to my heart.